John's last fart

Ol John loved to fart. Perhaps what he loved most was that it pissed off his wife Nellie when he farted in bed early in the morning to wake her up, always in her direction. He would hold it back and build all the pressure he could stand, then let it fly, making all the noise he could. One day the wife told him that his blasting habit could eventually result in him blowing his insides out. He laughed at her, letting go with another popper to accent his amusement. Disgusted, she decided to make her point another way. While preparing a turkey to bake, she had an idea. She saved the guts from the turkey and set them outside for a couple days to ripen. The she got up early one morning, and warmed the ripe guts to body temperature. She took them to the bedroom where John was still sleeping and dumped them right beside his ass.

John came out a bit later, white as a sheet. He was walking carefully and keeping his cheeks pinched tightly. He carefully sat down and said, "Nellie, you were right and I should have listened to you! I cut a big one this morning, and my guts blew right out my ass! He was scared and on the verge of tears. Nellie said "I warned you! What are you going to do now?" John said "well- I'm just hoping it will be all right. With the grace of god and a curtain rod, I got them all back in".