It's hard to teach Russian leaders how to drive a stick shift

Never try to teach Russian leaders how to drive a car with a manual Gorbachev:

When they're Lenin, they never Putin the clutch far enough, so they're always Stalin. Don't even get me started on Khrushchev Control. Be sure to have your hand on the emergency Brezhnev in case you need to stop. They often get distracted while they're trying to adjust the air Chernenko. They like to mess with the exhaust Malenkov so that they can get more power.

People will be Yeltsin at you to get out of their way. Eventually, you might be able to teach them to drive well enough so that they can shop Andropov their kids at school. Just don't forget to have them check their rear Zinoviev mirrors.

Don't try to teach them all at once either; if you pack the car too much, the Kamenev of the wheels might be off. You might also need to replace the ball Berias in the wheels as well. If you have to let them drive, don't let them leave Oregon or New Jersey; they'll make Molotov cocktails if they get to pump the gas.

When they drive in the mountains, they will get pretty good gas mileage because they are Kosygin down the hills. The cars that they like to drive are notorious for having bad brakes; don't forget to have them check the Medvedev cylinder and Podgorny valves for leaks.