Irish joke, my mum told me this over ten years ago (she's part Irish and can pull the accent) and I've created it to be a bit story like. Hope you like.

Paddy was outta work, and he ask'd his mam if she knew of any going.

She sent him down to the docks to his cousin Paddy. (Small world)

Me mam said der was a jab go'n.

(I'm going to do the rest in English cos Fuck writing it all like this!)

Paddy wasn't to happy about employing his cousin Paddy. So he thought he'd deter his cousin by saying there was a test he'd have to take. A very "hard" test was insinuated.

Paddy needed the money, so he took up his cousins challenge, this family was known to never back down.

So Paddy now had to come up with a test so hard that his cousin Paddy wouldn't pass, and he'd be able to continue his shipping business without having to employ another damned family member.

"Alright then Paddy, you got three tests, if you pass, you get the job, if not, you don't come back. Alright?"

"Alright Paddy".

"Ok, well as you know we work at a fast pace down here at the docks, and you'll need to keep up. Sometimes we use symbols to craft whole sentences, drawn on paper so we can just hold up the sign, and the other person knows what we mean immediately" Says Paddy. "For your first test, you need to be able to show me the number nine, without using the symbol 9. You have 5 minutes."

Paddy was given a piece of paper and a pencil.

After four minutes he finally started drawing something. It was the basic symbol of a tree

(#)
)(

With a plus sign between it and another, and another. Three trees in total, with a plus sign in-between.

(#) (#) (#)
)(+ )(+ )( = 9

"What?!?" Exclaims Paddy!

(Reminding you it's said in an Irish voice)

Paddy says "tree plus tree plus tree equals nine. What's next?"

Paddy looks in disbelief, before regaining his senses.

"Draw me ninety nine!" Paddy says boldly. "You have one minute".

Paddy sits there, the pressure mounted on his shoulders. And *click*! The idea pops into his head! Paddy quickly does a little smudge on each tree using the pencil and his finger.

"There you go, that's ninety nine!"

"How on earth is that ninety nine Paddy?!? Says Paddy rather angrily.

"Well it's simple,

Durty tree
+
Durty tree
+
Durty tree
=
Ninety nine!"

Says Paddy rather proudly.

Alright Paddy thinks, I've got to make this without bloody nines... "Draw 100."

Paddy thinks, he takes a minute, then two. Paddy is getting restless waiting for his cousin, and is about to tell him he can't have the job when...

Paddy starts to draw a little oval like thing at the base of each of the trees. (Use your imagination).

Paddy says "Der ya goo, th'ts a'hundred!"

"How the fuck, is that one hundred Paddy?!?"

"Well," explains Paddy. "Th's lil' dog went fer a walk, and took a dump at th' bott'm of th' tree's.

Durty tree
+ a turd

Durty tree
+ a turd

Durty tree
+ a turd

=

ONE HUNDRED!