If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: I got my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turn over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to
know all of these technical terms just to use my car?


Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go
anywhere!
Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the
needle pointing?
Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
Helpline: It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it
yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you.
Customer: What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a
car that comes with everything built in!


Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Your car sucks!
Helpline: What's wrong?
Customer: It crashed, that's what went wrong!
Helpline: What were you doing?
Customer: I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while,
and then it crashed--and now it won't start!
Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest versions that
doesn't crash anymore!


Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,
power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.
Helpline: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know how to what?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places
in my car!