...but when I got home, all the signs were there.
Few more:
* I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.
* I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.
* My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.
* I, for one, like Roman numerals.
* People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.
* Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.
* I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.
* The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself “This changes everything.”
* My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
* My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
* I’ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no one will do it.
* I saw a sign that said “watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
* I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
* People say I’m condescending. That means i talk down to people.
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.