I found a number on the Men's stall room the other day.

I found a number in a mens room stall at a bar. I ended up calling the number and some guy answered, it sounded like he was driving as i could hear road noise and he had me on speakerphone. After he said hello, I explained to him that his number was on the men's room stall at the bar i was at. He immediately started yelling off the cuff about his ex. "What the fuck is that bitch doing? I SWEAR i'M GOING TO KILL HER!" After i calmed him down, he asked me where this was and i told him the name of the place. He apologized and asked if i could wait there. Sure, i was partially buzzed and had no where to go, so why not right?

About 10 minutes later in walks this dude in a pizza uniform. Holy shit, it's just some kid. probably early 20's. Him and i get to talking and he's telling me about his crazy af ex-gf who he found in bed with his dorm-mate. After he caught her, she flew off the handle, it seems. Tore up his microbiology final and threw his pet hamster across the room, killing it on the concrete wall.

He goes on for a few minutes, and i'm even feeling slightly rage filled about how much of a bitch one person can be. I ask him if i can buy him a drink because, hell, he looks like he could use one. Sure he replies, he called up his boss and told him he was taking a dinner break.

This kid, "Steve" tells me about how he can best get revenge on her. I come up with a plan. I ask Steve where his ex-lives I call the pizzeria he works with and order the house-special, no shrooms, because fuck mushrooms, amirite? But i tell them i want Steve to deliver them of course i give them her address. Steve runs back to the shop, picks up the pizza with instructions to return to me.

Steve gets back about 45 minutes later. We get in his car and i tell him to drive me to her place. We get there and i tell him to just lean the seat back and stay hidden, i got this. I go up to the porch of the house and ring the door. Nothing. i wait a couple moments and ring again. I start looking around and happen to notice a curtain pushed open and a head looking out to the driveway. Suddenly i hear " THAT FUCKING COCKSUCKER IS STALKING ME!" i'm guessing she recognized the car. A couple of other loud voices seem to eminate from the other side of the house but i can't make out what they're saying. i hear a couple of loud footsteps and then the locks are unlocking from the door an what appears but this petite redhead, who, despite being in a fit of rage, is actually quite stunning. She started to yell, but quickly stopped when she realized that i was not Steve.

I told her how i was the manager of the pizza place and heard that he broke up with her. How he had some pictures on his phone of her and i really wanted to get in touch with her as i had been recently divorced and that Steve was being a shit at work and wanted to get revenge on him. She seemed to open up to the idea that he was going to be fired from the job and would go along with any idea of doing something to crush his spirit. She asked me what i'm going to need in order to put my plan in action. I turned to her and motioned towards the pizza and that it was getting hot on my hand and she had me bring the pizza inside so we could discuss the plan. She asked about Steve's car, and i told her that it was actually a coincidence and that i was borrowing his car because mine broke down, and i just needed to run an errand while he stayed back at the shop. We worked out a devious plan to set up Steve and ate some pizza while i talked about his downfall. When all was said and done, she was actually quite happy and offered to pay for the pizza, knowing how Steve was going to end up in jail soon enough. I respectfully declined, she insisted again. I told her no, but i need some cash to put gas in the car, as the fuel light had come on. She asked me how much i need and i said "Oh, about tree-fiddy"