Hell or heaven?

So John just died. He went up to the gate of heaven but St. Pierre was there looking anxious. He told John in a very regretful voice that due to unexpected deaths, there would be no room for him in heaven until two weeks. He asked John if he wouldnt mind to go to hell for two weeks. John asked if he had a choice and St. Pierre said no. So he went.to hell. When he arrive, he got welcomed by crazy sexy womens, with tons of alcohol and loud music. This was a crazy party all the time. John thought to himself that, if this was hell , he would be happy to stay here forever. Unfortunetly, 2 weeks passed quickly and St. Pierre came back and told him heaven was ready. John thought that if hell was as good like that, heaven should be awesome! So he went to heaven. But something was wrong. There was no girl. There was clouds with pretty angels on them playing smooth music, and oh god, instead of alcohol, it was purified water. Instead of chicken and fries, it was big ass fruits!! It was too much and after two weeks , John saw God passing by. He said : Hey God! God! Can i ask you something? After God nodded, John explained his situation and if he could go back to hell. God said yes but if he would return to hell, it would be forever. John accepted. But when John entered hell, instead of womens who welcomed him , it was devils with pikes and chains. They tortured him and it was very bad. After 2 weeks, John saw Lucifer passing by. He said : Hey Lucifer! Luci! After the Devil nodded, John explained his situation and how it was better on his 1st trip. Lucifer stopped him right there and said : Wait wait wait John. You must not confond tourist and immigration!