Have fun reading. This one's a long one.

There's this guy in Florida, and he finds out that his uncle died. He inherits a zoo and he gets money to run it. So he goes to the zoo and it's so dilapidated. So he has a month to renovate, and he gets a big aviary, a big lion cage, and an aquarium. He uses all of his money on that stuff. It's a week before opening day.

He realizes that he has no animals. So he goes on his laptop and finds out that the state of Florida has foster lions. He calls the state and arranges a time for them to bring the lions over. They come over, they're loading the lions into the cage, and they lions are just sitting there sleeping. The guy says "Why are they tired?" The state-workers say "Well, these are foster lions. These guys used to be the guards of Mexican drug cartel bosses. The cartel fed them cocaine and now they're just tired." The guy goes "Oh, alright." The state-worker says "Right, so these are not your animals. They are the states'. You are getting $10,000 if you care for them."

Now the guy needs birds. He's looking on Craigslist and he sees an ad for myna birds. Some guy has one thousand of them and he's selling them for $10 per bird. And he says "Wow, that's perfect!" So he drives to the place to pick up the birds. The guy selling the birds goes "Oh yeah, they're so great, they talk, kids love them!" And the zoo owner says "Ok, I'll take five of them." The seller says "I'm selling all of them. You have to take all of them. All thousand." So the guy, even though he uses all of his money, gets the birds and puts them in the aviary.

He then realizes that he needs fish. He posts an ad on Craigslist saying that he's looking for fish and he gets an email going "Argh, I've got ye fish yer lookin' fer! Come down to the pier on West Palm Beach!" The guy, though weirded out because he's getting an email from a guy who types like a pirate goes and meets the guy. The pirate leads the guy to a warehouse and there's a big tank full of porpoises. The guy goes "Sweet!" and the pirate says "But these here fish are cursed. They'll only eat the freshest of fowl." The pirate sticks his hand out of the window grabs a few seagulls and snaps their necks. He throws them in the tank and havoc ensues. The porpoises go insane, their eyes glow red, and the water starts boiling, but the guy gets them anyway.

So it's a night before opening and the guy is getting ready. He hears loud noises from the aquarium. He runs around the big lion cage and breaks through the door. The porpoises are fighting each other. The guy remembers that he didn't feed them. So, he runs back around the lion cage, grabs three of the myna birds and snaps their necks. He's about to run back, but he realizes he can take a shortcut. It's through the lion cage. He opens the door, he's stepping over the sleeping lions, and he gets to the last door. In front of it is a big, scary lion sleeping and he can't walk around it. He puts his foot over it. Then right when he does that, SWAT, police, FBI, and just about everyone shows up. There
is a voice from a bullhorn saying "STOP! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" The guy goes "For what!?" And the voice says "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR TRANSPORTING MYNAS (MINORS) OVER STATE LIONS (LINES) FOR IMMORAL PORPOISES (PURPOSES)"