Guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder...

He goes up to the bartender and says, "Hey, this monkey here will eat *anything*. Pick something, anything, and this monkey will eat it."

Bartender looks at him, shrugs and says, "Uh, the whole bowl of bar nuts there."

"No, no, no," says the guy, "come *on*. Give him a *challenge*."

The bartender rolls his eyes and says, "Fine. That cue ball over there."

Much to his surprise, the monkey hops off the man's shoulder, scampers over to the pool table, grabs the cue ball and pops it in his mouth, swallowing it whole.

The bartender is, of course, absolutely stunned. The man smirks at him and says, "See? Now, I have a bet for you. I'll bet you $200 that you can't find something my monkey won't eat. In other words, I'm gonna come back here next Friday and if you find something he won't eat, I'll give you $200. But if he eats it, you give *me* $200. Sound fair?"

The bartender, still stunned, nods. He spends the rest of the week researching what breed of monkey it is and finds out that this particular type of monkey is famous for avoiding kiwi fruit. They won't even come near the things.

So Friday comes around and the bartender is ready - he's got his kiwi on the bar and everything.

The man and his monkey come in and walk up to the bar. The bartender says, "All right, I bet you that your monkey will not eat this kiwi."

The man says, "You're on. Monkey, eat that kiwi!"

The monkey scampers down his arm and onto the bar. He picks up the kiwi, looks at it, shoves it up his ass, takes it out and eats it.

The bartender exclaims, "What the fuck was *that???*"

And the man coolly replies, "Well after he passed the cue ball, he decided he better start sizing everything first."