*Forget world peace.

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. *Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. *IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got. *Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. *Hang up and drive. *I took an IQ test and the results were negative. *Where there's a will...I want to be in it. *It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. *Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? *Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. *Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else. *If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of car payments. *I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money. *Never take life seriously. *Nobody gets out alive, anyway. *Never knock on Death's door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that) *I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. *You have the right to remain silent. *Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. *You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. *The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. *Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. *If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? *The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. *Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. *Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. *CATS: The other white meat *I'm an imbecile and I vote *Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch *If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now *Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it! *WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition *If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! *Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. *You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me not you! *You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT *Grow your own dope, plant a man