Five men are stranded in the desert after their plane crashes.

(This is a joke to be told rather than read. With as big an audience as possible. Exaggerated actions and yarn-spinning positively encouraged.)

A plane is downed in the Sahara desert. Five men survive the crash, stranded in the middle of the harsh and unforgiving dust of Northern Africa.

They have five bottles of water between them, and decide to try and walk towards civilisation. Weary, shaken and delirious, they set off on their journey.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

After a few hours, one of the men drops to the ground. 'Lads', he croaks. 'I can't go on ... I'm just going to lay here. I'm exhausted. Let me die, save yourselves'.

After much heart-rending deliberation, they agree. Their friend slips away in the heat. Heavy hearted, they decide to continue towards civilisation.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

Another one of the men keels over. 'I'm afraid I'm going the same way as poor Joe did back there ... you must carry on without me. You have wives and children! I am but a lonely old man. Please, let me die'.

The three remaining travellers think about this -they are getting desperate, so they let Philip pass away under the midday heat, and continue.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

Shortly afterwards, they stumble across an oasis. Overjoyed, they fill up their bottles and drink as much as they can physically keep down, before setting off again. The three men left have five bottles of water between them now and are filled with renewed hope of finding a village, a town, anything before the Sahara swallows them up. They walk on.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

Suddenly, young Timmy, barely 18 years old, tumbles to his knees. He doesn't even speak. The two men left go over to him and check for a pulse ... but he's dead. The life sucked out of him by the merciless beat of the afternoon sunshine.

This leaves James and Terrence. James, a marathon runner and the fitter of the two has an idea.

'I'll go back to the oasis. We'll have five bottles of water between the two of us. I will go as quick as I can. That should give us enough water to get back to civilisation and save ourselves! We can't be far away now.'

Reluctantly, Terrence agrees. He finds shade behind a boulder and watches as James disappears over the horizon in search of water.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

James gets to the oasis, fills up the bottles of water, hoists them onto his back and sets off again as the light starts to fade.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

It is dusk as Terrence sees James coming over the dunes. He looks like a shell of a man, weak and broken. He's already drunk half the water and looks more dead than alive.

'Terrence...go....you..have..a..good..chance.... I have done my part... I will only..slow you.....down', chokes James. Terrence watches as his saviour's eyes flicker closed and the light of life drains out of them, just like that.

Terrence takes the remaining bottles of water, and does the only thing he can do.. keeps walking.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

He sees lights on the horizon. It can't be! A city! James races onwards.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

Up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, up a sand dune, down a sand dune, over a bridge, clickety-click... up a sand dune, down a sand dune.

Approaching what looks to be a sprawling city, James comes to a huge bridge. An old man stands on the bridge, holding a candle. He says to James before he can react:

'This candle has been burning for over A THOUSAND YEARS!'

James says, **PUFF** 'Not anymore!'








^I'm^so^sorry