Evil Lord Handbook Part Four

31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort
of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and
virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.


32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am
fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously
allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather,
it gives me the opportunity to kill him while he is distracted.


33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there
is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me.
Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed
chamber.


34. I will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason
I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.


35. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately
flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from
there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to
attempt this.


36. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot
escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.


37. Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I
will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough
that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural
reason.


38. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into
confusion.


39. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly
thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will
surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic
relief.


40. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with
surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement
and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.