He sneaks upstairs to his bedroom and passes out next to his wife, Shirley. All of a sudden, his room fills with a bright light and hovering over the foot of the bed is an angel. Doug is very frightened and has no idea what is going on. The angel says, "Doug, don't be afraid. I am come to tell you that you are dead. You died of alcohol poisoning."
Doug is upset, scared, saddened, everything all at once. "Dead? I never even got to say goodbye to my wife!"
The angel looks at him and tells him, "Well, I guess the good news is that we aren't taking you to heaven, as that doesn't actually exist. We just do reincarnation based off of the merits of your past life. After viewing your past deeds, you can choose to be reincarnated as a hen or a deer."
Doug thinks it over a moment and realizes that there is a chicken farm up the street. He may have a shot at seeing his wife again if he is a chicken. "I will be a hen," he says, and with the snap of the angel's fingers, Doug is a Hen. It is daylight, Doug is outside marveling at the world around him. He looks at his new wings and feet, amazed at the transformation.
As Doug is standing there, starting to figure out how to peck the grass to get food, the rooster shows up. "Hey, you are new here aren't you?" the rooster asks.
"Yes. I am new here still figuring out this whole hen thing." Doug replied.
"Have you laid an egg yet? That is basically all you need to do if you want to stay alive here."
"I don't know how."
"Well just relax. If you relax, you will just lay an egg like it is no problem at all."
Doug relaxes and concentrates. All of a sudden he feels something stirring within him. He relaxes even more and *pop*! Out comes his first egg. Doug is overwhelmed with feelings of love at having laid his first egg. He thinks that this is what mother's must feel, and it is amazing. He starts feeling another stirring, and *pop*! Out comes the second egg. Doug starts tearing up and crying because of his accomplishments. He starts feeling the stirrings of motherhood a third time and feels a huge SMACK on the back of his head.
Shirley yells, "DOUG! WAKE UP! YOU'RE SHITTING THE BED AGAIN!"
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