Demerit Point System Used by Women.

DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN


(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.


SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed.................................................. 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1 You leave the toilet seat up......................................-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..................0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.......-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.-2 You check out a suspicious noise at night .........................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something............... 5 You pummel it with a six iron.................................... 10


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party.............................0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy...................................................-2 Named Tiffany....................................................-4 Tiffany is a dancer..............................................-6 Tiffany has implants.............................................-8


HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner........................................0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ............ 1 Okay, it is a sports bar.........................................-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night...................................-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team................................-10


THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely..............................-20 You forget your anniversary.....................................-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station....................-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey..................................-50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.....................-60


A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie.......................................... 2 You take her to a movie she likes................................ 4 You take her to a movie you hate ................................ 6 You take her to a movie you like.................................-2 It's called DeathCop
3...........................................-3 Which features cyborgs having sex................................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-15


FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when it's expected.......................0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ..... 20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself ....... 30 And she contracts Lyme disease..................................-25


YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly.............................. -15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.. 1 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..........................................-30 You say "I don't care because you have one too" ...............-800


FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical............... -5 Something she can't use.........................................-10 Such as a motorized model airplane..............................-20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday..................-40


DRIVING You lost the directions on a trip...............................-4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost................-10 You don't stop to ask directions .......................0 You stop and ask for directions ...................... 25 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town .................-15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal.......................................................-25 You know them..................................................-60


THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Do I look fat?" .....................................-5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding.....................................-10 You reply, "Where?"............................................-35


COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression................................0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes......... 5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.. 10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..............-20