Degrees Fahrenheit

60 California residents put on sweaters (if they can find one)


50 Miami residents turn on the heat


45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts


40 You can see your breath
California residents shiver uncontrollably
Minnesota residents go swimming


35 Italian cars don't start


32 Water freezes


30 You plan your vacation to Australia


25 Ohio water freezes
California residents weep pitiably
Minnesota residents eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming


20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South


15 French cars don't start
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you


10 You need jumper cables to get the car going


5 American cars don't start


0 Alaska residents put on T-shirts


-10 German cars don't start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink


-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansas residents stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist


-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesota residents shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don't start


-25 Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going


-30 You plan a two-week hot bath
Swedish cars don't start


-40 California residents disappear
Minnesota residents button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South


-50 Congressional hot air freezes
Alaska residents close the bathroom window


-80 Hell freezes over
Polar bears move South
Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game


AND AT:


-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets....