Dan's Lip

"How'd you get that cut on your lip?" Said Joe to Dan.

"Well, that's a hell of a story!" Dan replied. "You see, two weeks ago I kissed my girl goodbye, and took off backpacking in the Rocky Mountains. Only a few hours into my trek, I was charged by a furious grizzly bear."

"Holy cow!" Joe said. "You were lucky to get away with just a busted lip!"

"Nah, I just blasted him with pepper spray and he ran off into the bush."

"Then what happened to your lip?"

"I'm getting to that," continued Dan. "A few days later I was climbing a high mountain pass. The guy in front of me slipped, and his foot loosed a shower of sharp scree that fell all over me!"

"Dang!" Joe exclaimed. "And one of the rocks cut your lip?"

"No! I ducked my head and the rocks bounced harmlessly off my hat."

"Well, then what happened?"

"Eventually I made it back to the trailhead, and there was a thief trying to break into my car! I confronted him, but he pulled a knife on me!"

"My God! Your lip got cut in a knife fight?"

"Nope. I talked him down, and gave him some advice on how to turn his life around. Then I drove him back to town and bought him lunch."

"You're far too kind," said Joe. "I would have hit him with the bear spray and called the cops. But anyway, what happened to your lip?"

"Well, I that night I had to drive home. It was dark, the highway was busy, and I was exhausted from the trail."

"Sounds like maybe you shouldn't have been driving, Dan."

"I know, but I just wanted to get back home and sleep in my own bed, y'know? And see my girl, too. Anyway, I pulled out to pass a semi, and then I realized that bitch gave me herpes."