Contract Lawyers

How many contract lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
WHEREAS, the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall
be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the
entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated
by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option
of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the
aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal
transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
Section 1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, this
point being non-negotiable.
Section 2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the
party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable
federal, state and local statutes.
Section 3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of
the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the
party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a
manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step Section 1
of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur
in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the
party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the
objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth
part, also known as the "Partnership."