Chuck Norris Facts: 28

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

Chuck Norris doesn't say, "Who's your daddy?", because he knows the answer.

Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.