Cars

What if people bought cars like they buy
Computers?

The car companies don't have help lines
for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't buy cars like they
buy computers, imagine if they did.....

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help
you?

Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and
nothing happened!

Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot
and turn it?

Customer: What's an ignition?

Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current
from your battery and turns over the engine.

Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How
come I have to know all these technical terms to
use my car.

Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it
won't go anywhere!

Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?

Customer: Huh? How do I know?

Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front
panel with a needle and markings of 'E' and 'F'.
Where is the needle pointing?

Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that
mean?

Helpline: It means you have to visit a gasoline
vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can
install it yourself or pay the vendor to install
it for you.

Customer: What? I paid $18,000 for this car!
And you're telling me I need to keep buying more
components? This is outrageous! I want a car that
comes with everything built in!

Helpline: Ford Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: Your cars suck!

Helpline: What's wrong?

Customer: It crashed, that's what's wrong!

Helpline: What were you doing?

Customer: Well I wanted to go faster, so I pushed
the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor, it
worked for a while and then it when off the road
at a corner and crashed and it won't start now!

Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse
the product. What do you expect us to do about it?

Customer: I expect you to send me one of the
latest versions that doesn't crash!

Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I
chose your car because it has automatic
transmission, cruise control, power steering,
power brakes, power door locks, power seats,
power..

Helpline: Well,.. thanks for buying one of our
top of line cars. So how can I help you?

Customer: Well, how do I work it?

Helpline: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: Do I know how to what?

Helpline: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: Look, I'm not a mechanic. I'm not even
very technical. I just want to go places in my
new car!