Bumper Stickers

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.


2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.


3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.


4. Do I look like a people person?


5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.


6. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.


7. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.


8. If I throw a stick, will you leave?


9. You! Off my planet!


10. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.


11. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.


12. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.


13. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.


14. Do they ever shut up on your planet?


15. I'm working here till a good fast-food job opens up.


16. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.


17. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.


18. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.


19. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.


20. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.


21. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!


22. Adults are just kids who owe money.


23. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?


24. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.


25. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.


26. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.


27. You look like a bumb. Is that the style now?


28. Earth is full. Go home.


29. Is it time for your medication or mine?


30. I plead contemporary insanity.


31. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.


32. How do I set a laser printer to stun?


33. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.


34. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?


35. A bath would do you good.