Bitches -vs- Pimps

The infamous "Bitch Poem"


Ahhh Women...
Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong
Don't drive in circles at any cost
So I don't have to admit when I am lost
Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
Every time I go to the john
Let me tell you men
Listen to me boys
Those things in your pants
That you treat as toys
You love them more then we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill
I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you're two hours late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score
I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
And just cause I'm assertive
Don't call me a bitch
I don't wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don't go to Sears
To look at the tools
I don't cheat at poker
I follow the rules
I don't smoke cigars
Don't pay for drinks at bars
I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi"
And it's o.k. for me to cry
I know all you men
Think that you're "IT"
But compared to a woman
You just ain't SHIT!


This Poem, "The Pimp," was written in response to a
forward entitled "Bitch Poem"


Ahhh Men...
Everyday I give thanks to my God
that I've got a Dick and a tight ass bod.
I like to play sports, I love to get naked,
Is it our fault that you girls can't take it?
I own lots of tools and don't mind putting on weight,
when I get ready for a party, my ass is never late.
I can actually drive a car and even change a tire,
my ability to produce children will never expire.
When a male is born, it is clearly heaven-sent,
that's probably why a woman has never been president.
I can pee without squatting, I've slept in a tent,
women's fatal flaw is that they are subservient.
First and foremost, my looks don't govern my life,
When I gain a few pounds, I don't go under the knife.
I don't read the nutrition labels, I like to eat
meat,
if any women objects, she can just take a seat.
I don't own a hairdryer,I brush my hair with my
hands,
I am considered the better gender in the majority of
lands.
I masturbate openly, I secretly desire a mirror on my
ceiling,
I don't go cry when someone hurts my feelings.
Listen to me girls, I need to tell you something
right quick,
it pertains to lovemaking and my almighty Dick
That thing in your pants that you guard like
treasure,
Men don't respect you for it, we just see it as
pleasure.
I like it squeezed, jacked, licked and sucked,
I am capable of having sex and saying "we fucked."
I like to have sex and finish with a roar,
I hope to remain a promiscuous bachelor.
Bitches think that they're "all that,"
But we don't care about every ounce of fat.
Just cuz your thighs cause mass amounts of friction,
Doesn't mean you belong outside of the kitchen!!
Any girl that objects, just respond please,
But on one condition, first get off your knees...
I have a little advice to my fellow men, and I'm
afraid I can't
lie,
NEVER trust anything that can bleed for four days and
then not
DIE!
Right at home is where women should stay,
Cuz men are the ones that make the pay.
At least our Dick doesn't sag when we get older,
I've seen better looking bitches by the name of
Rover.
At least my body doesn't bleed that certain week,
Bitch you're just jealous, don't sweat the technique.
You constantly get played like childrens games,
Guys just fuck you and forget your names!!!!!!!
Bitches all be hanging from my large nutsack,
Now what the fuck are you going to say after this
counter
attack...