Band Jokes!

I'm a band geek and love terrible band jokes. Here are some of my favorites!

How do you get two piccolos to play in tune? Shoot one.

What is the best use for a clarinet? Kindling.

What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? You can tune a lawn mower.

What is the difference between an oboe and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

How many trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but the rest of the section will talk about how they could do it higher and faster.

How many trombones does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ha, trombones can't get that high.

What do trumpet players use for birth control? Their personality.

How go you make a trombone sound like a French horn? Put your hand in the bell and play the wrong notes.

How do you make a French horn sound like a trombone? Take your hand out of the bell and play loudly with bad tone.

How do you get the tuba player off your porch? Pay for your pizza.

How can you tell a drummer is at your door? The knocking speeds up.

A woman went on three dates. The first date was with a trumpet player. After the date, her friend asked her how it went. "He was a little arrogant, and when he kissed me, his mouth was too tight." The second date was with a tuba player. After, her friend asked how it went. "He was a nice guy, but he had a little too much to drink and the goodnight kiss was loose and slobbery." The third date was with a French horn player. After, her friend asked how it went. "The date was ok, and kiss was mediocre, but I loved the way he held me."

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing? Put sheet music in front of them.

That's all I remember off the top of my head. I encourage you to share your terrible band jokes!