An Idiotic List

IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So
I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared
that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would
have it, they matched.


IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I
described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss
said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just
kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of
Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"


ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health &
Safety Handbook for Employees": "Blink your eyelids periodically
to lubricate your eyes."


IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer
were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross
there.


IDIOTS & COMPUTERS
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call
from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys
have a fire downtown?"


IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented
that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab
partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I
explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the
actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


AN IDIOT'S IDIOT
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with
wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was
placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each
time they thought the suspect wasn't telling a lie. Believing
the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.