A Story of Two Horses, Jim and Steve

As young colts, Jim and Steve grew up on a ranch together. Competition was in their nature because they both were being bred as racing horses. As a result, Jim and Steve would often race around the ranch, typically from one tree to another, desperately trying to best each other. Their favorite race was from the Chestnut Oak, around the Bitternut Hickory, and back to the Chestnut Oak

Day after day they would run this race, but it was always such a close race that they could never decide who was faster and the ultimate winner. After several months, a crow named Wilmer took notice.

"Hey boys," Wilmer said, "you're both incredibly fast. But I've noticed that you're having trouble starting together and determining the winner. Tell you what, for a small portion of your feed every day, I would be happy to start your races and also determine the winner. I've got a sharp eye and quick wits, so all I need to do is sit here on this Chestnut Oak and determine the winner.

Elated, the colts agree and take their first race with Wilmer as the judge.

"Tie!" exclaims Wilmer.

"WHAT??" yell Jim and Steve, "What are we paying you for?"

"Trust me," says Wilmer. "My eyes are the sharpest in all the land and that was most certainly a tie."

"Well shoot, I guess we'll race again."

This went on for years and years, tie after tie after tie. Eventually Jim and Steve grew up and were sold to seperate professional horse racers. Jim and Steve said their goodbyes, wished each other luck, and admitted to a permanent tie.

With the experience they had gained racing each other, no other horse stood a chance. Jim and Steve didn't lose a single race in their careers, yet, as luck would have it, they never had to face each other in a professional race.

Years went by and eventually Jim and Steve both retired back to the old ranch they grew up on. They were happier than ever to see each other again, the same good buddies they always had been. Then Wilmer dropped by and said "Hey boys, I know I'm an old crow now but my eyes are as sharp as ever! You two never settled who was faster, and I would be proud to judge the most incredible race in history!"

"Let's do it." said Jim and Steve.

And so the race began. Jim takes an early lead, but Steve picks up the pace and soon overtakes. Jim, overcome with competition, picks up the pace. It's Jim! It's Steve! It's neck and neck and it's...it's...

"A tie!" exclaims Wilmer. "I can't believe it! Another tie! After all these years!"

Jim and Steve collapse on the grass, exhausted.

The old ranch dog, Ralph, approaches. "Look, Jim and Steve. I've been silently watching you compete since you were colts. This race is proof that you are, and always have been, equally matched."

"HOLY SHIT!" says Jim, "A TALKING DOG!"