A short list of 'Never...'

A Short list of nevers:Never accept a drink from a urologist. -Erma BombeckNever say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial. -Sydney Biddle Barrows, the 'Mayflower Madam'Never say 'Oops' in the operating room. - Dr. Leo TroyNever comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me on this. -Tim AllenNever wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. -Dan ZevinNever kick a fresh turd on a hot day. -Harry S. TrumanNever hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier. -AnonymousNever thrust your sickle into another's corn. -Publius SyrusNever drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap. -Anonymous member of a chain gangNever invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. -G.K. ChestertonNever use while sleeping. -Instruction on Conair hair dryerNever play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, 'Look, it's always gonna be me!' -Rita RudnerNever murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. -Woodrow WilsonNever hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. -Winston ChurchillNever stand between a dog and the hydrant. -John PeersNever take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. -Geraldo RiveraNever give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. - Ruth GordonNever pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel. -American adage about antagonizing newspaper editors.