A man with a speech impediment goes to the shops with his cocker spaniel to buy some things he needs around the house. He first visits a hardware store, tying the dog up outside. Upon arriving, he asks where he can find the "fuckets". The lady asks if he means "buckets", to which he replies "Yef, that's what I thed, a fucket".
After he buys his bucket, he decides to have some lunch. He goes to a hotdog stand and asks for "a hotdog on a bum wif kethup and muftad". The lady looks at him strangely, but sells him a hotdog on a bun. He pays for it while juggling the dog's leash and the bucket, then strolls off, ready to head home.
As he's walking, his dog catches sight of some pigeons and wants to give chase. The man, unable to juggle lunch and his new red bucket, accidentally lets go of the lead, and the dog goes bolting towards the group of birds on the ground.
Knowing he's unable to do everything at once, he turns to the lady nearby and handing her the food and pail, asks her:
"Will you hold my bum and fucket, while I go get my cock and spanket?"
(Told to me by my cousin years ago, felt I needed to share it)
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