A man washes up on a deserted beach...

He coughs up some water and tries to find himself some civilization. He walk around until it becomes apparent he is alone on an island except for a pig and a dog, both of which are strangely domesticated. Oh well, time to Robinson Crusoe the shit out of this island.

He starts a fire. Builds himself a hut. Starts a sizeable garden so he won't have to eat Ms. Oinky.

Time passes. He starts "getting lonely." Manual release stops being quite so gratifying. Ms. Oinky starts to look a lot more attractive. He resists because it's wrong. It's disgusting. But in the end he couldn't resist. He walked up behind Ms. Oinky, feeling terrible about himself. He lowered his tattered pants...all of a sudden the dog went batshit crazy. It charged right at him barking and snapping. It was inches away from biting his dick. The guy runs away and the dog immediately calms back down. The guy damn near has a heart attack and decides to get back to the whole island survival thing.

He makes some crude tools out of rocks. Digs an irrigation ditch for his garden. Starts work on a rudimentary still.

But soon, he starts to feel urges again. His hands are rough and calloused, sore from long days of hard labor (and a lot of masturbation). Ms. Oinky starts looking good again.

This time he plans it. He walks to the far side of the island with the dog. They play fetch for an hour. The dog finally collapses on the beach, having a happy dog nap. The man sneaks away back to where he left Ms. Oinky. He steps behind her. Lowers his pants. Closes his eyes and tries to remember what boobs look like.

Then out of fucking nowhere that damn dog EXPLODES out of the bushes, barking his damn head off. The guy sets a new world record for pulling up pants. What the fuck is up with that dog?

The next day a plane crashes off the shore. It hit pretty hard, and none of the doors opened so the guy assumed there were no survivors. He decides to swim out to it and see if he can find anything worthwhile to salvage. Inside it's kind of dark, but somehow he stumbles onto an unconscious survivor. He swims them back to shore, and in the middle of CPR he notices the survivor is a woman, and she is HOT. Not just hot like any woman would be hot to a guy who's been trapped on a deserted island for months would be hot, like objectively gorgeous.

The babe coughs a couple of times and looks around. She grasps the situation pretty quickly and says some of the usual damsel in distress stuff, "Oh my hero! you saved my life! I'll do anything to repay you."

The guy was kind of zoning out while staring at her --I mean, it's been awhile since he's seen anyone, let alone anyone so gorgeous-- but that last sentence snaps him back to reality. "Wait," he replied, "you'd do *anything*?"

She looks back at him seductively (well, as seductively and someone who was just damn near drowned could...which in her case was still pretty fucking seductive) and said "Anything."

He gave her another good long look. Then said, "Great! Do me a favor and hold that dog!"

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