A man walks into a bar and had a big Blue head

He sits down, orders a drink. The bartender eyes him warily, but gets him what he wants. The man sits sipping the drink, idly watching the soccer game on the bar television. After a while, he runs dry and orders another.

*"Tell you what,"* says the bartender, *"this next one's on the house -- but you've got to tell me what happened to your head. I don't mean to be rude there, but..."*

The man smiles. *"No, not at all. I get this all the time...*

...Well, it started with the Gulf War. I was a young kid fresh out of high school, but I was poor. I needed money for college, and the Army looked like a good way out of the ghetto. But then they shipped me over to Kuwait. My platoon took some heavy fire during Desert Storm, and I was separated from them.

I wandered the desert for days, with only the contents of my pack to sustain me. Sand. Sand was all I could think about. Everything else ceased to exist out there. I can only progress slowly, because I have to hide in my tent every time when even the smallest sandstorm comes around. I kept thinking, may be there are not just oases, nomads, and pompous cities in this desert. Supposedly there are ancient ruins as well. But until now now I only found lonely pillars scattered around the desert. Still my hopes were not disappointed, for now. I found a group of nomads, who were exceptionally friendly and hospitable. I decided to spend some time with them, before I set out again. Things went well, but I had nightmares on most nights. All the wandering in the desert must have exhausted me so much. I dreamt of large desert scorpion made of sand, some times it would be a large eagle chasing me into a big labyrinth.

During one such sleepless night, I saw a mysterious man. Exhausted and wounded, was seeking refuge in our camp. Just before dying, he told me about a river whose waters bestow immortality on whoever drinks from it. The river is next to a place called the City of the Immortals. Determined to find it, I thanked my nomad friends and set out to find this City.

The days were uneventful, but the nights began to terrify me. I know that the majority of deserts are rife with life. But it is frightening to hear the sand move in the silence of night. And sometimes I found footprints in the morning near my tent, and they were definitively human. Maybe someone is just following, maybe one of the kids of one of my nomadic friends. But they grew in number the closer I got to the city, and they are always fresh. And I also suddenly heard quiet whispering one night, only heard when I almost fell asleep. I woke up from the nightmare to find myself tied up in a small recess on the side of a mountain inhabited by Troglodytes. I don't know how I got there, but I managed to free myself and I could see the City of the Immortals in the distance. I assumed I can walk towards it, but one Troglodyte was already following me. I had to run as fast as I could to get away from him. At last I reached the City of the Immortals.

The City of the Immortals is an immense labyrinth with dead-end passages, inverted stairways, and many chaotic architectural structures. I was Horrified and repulsed by the city, but decided to get inside, because the Troglodyte was chasing me. I eventually escaped the city only to find the Troglodyte waiting on the other side. I was exhausted. I didn't want to run anymore. I surrendered myself to him. To his will. But it turned out that he really was a Genie, and that the Troglodytes are the Immortals, having destroyed the original City of the Immortals and replaced it with the labyrinthine.

'I am the Genie of the labyrinth' said the entity. 'For finding your way out of the labyrinth, I shall grant you three wishes. What is your first wish?'

I was incredulous, of course. I deduced I must be hallucinating after all this running and exhaustion, and that this was desert madness. I decided to test the mirage. 'Alright,' I tasked it, 'I wish for a wallet with a million dollars in it, that I can never lose, and whenever I take any money out of it the sum is immediately replenished.'

'Your wish is granted!' said the Genie. I felt a bulge in one of my uniform pockets. Reaching in, I pulled out a new wallet, stuffed to bursting with crisp, new bills. I counted them -- sure enough, it was a million dollars. I ripped up the bills, cast them to the winds, and threw the wallet as hard as I could. The moment it was beyond my sight, it teleported instantaneously back to my pocket, refilled with another million dollars.

'What is you second wish?'

I pondered the notion for a long moment, assessing my needs. 'Genie,' I said, 'for my second wish, I want to be transported to a cool, abandoned palace, into a harem room with a hundred beautiful young virgins who will all fall madly in love with me at first sight, before a buffet table set with a feast fit for a Persian king.'

'Your wish is granted!' Poof! I found myself in a royal harem, escaped from the heat of the desert. All around me, nubile girls eyed me with keen interest. In front of me, every conceivable type of meat was roasted to perfect tenderness, set with all the appetizers, side-dishes, salads, soups, and desserts of the four corners of the globe.

I dined until I was near-bloated, and then I had a lot of sex. I mean a lot. Several hours later, laying upon a bed of feathers, brown and blonde and red haired beauties nuzzling into me like puppies at their mother's underbelly, the Genie stood before me, looking down in satisfaction at his work so far.

'What is your third wish?'

I thought long and hard. Truly, this last wish tasked the very limits of my imagination, my beliefs, my ethics, my philosophy. Hours passed in silence, save for the gentle snoring of the ladies surrounding me.

At last, I spoke. 'Genie, for my third wish, I want a big Blue head.' "