A man isn't happy with the size of his... [long]

John has a date planned with a very attractive young lady in a few weeks, and he's a bit nervous.

You see, John is a fairly successful single man. He's got good looks, money, a luxurious loft apartment, and a convertible sports car. You can be sure that all of the ladies want him, but of all the things he has, there is one thing that he just wasn't happy with: the size of his penis.

John decides he has enough money to get a penis enlargement. I mean, if a woman can get her barely an A mosquito bites exploded into bodacious DD tatas, then why can't he go from teenage Asian to Mandingo?

So John makes an appointment to see a penis enlargement specialist.

After waiting a few days he finally gets into his appointment he has been so anxious about. The surgeon asks: "So what can I do for you today John?" to which John replies "Y'know doc, I'm just not too happy with the size of my penis. It's kind of... ^small." The doctor thinks for a minute and then says: "Well, John, unfortunately I'm fresh out of penises at the moment. We won't really be able to do anything for you until I get my next shipment in a couple months." John seems devastated. He can't believe that he has to go on this date knowing this girl will laugh as soon as she catches a glimpse of his little Vienna sausage. He begs the doctor: "Please! There has to be *something* you can do to help me. I'm begging you!" The doctor responds: "Hmm.. give me just a moment." He walks out of the room, and returns a few minutes later. "I have potential good news for you John, but I'm not sure if you're going to be up for it. You see, I'm fresh out of penises, but I *do* have this baby elephant trunk. I know it's a bit odd, but it will make Mandingo looks like a little school boy." John thinks for a minute, and decides it isn't such a bad idea. "Anything is better than what I'm packing right now." John says.

John schedules the procedure, and ends up recovering a few days before his date.

The big day comes, and John is more confident than ever. He picks her up in the roadster, makes undeniably confident eye contact, and is making her laugh all the way to the restaurant. Really, everything has been going beautifully. They arrive at a *fancy* restaurant, valet parks his car, and they are seated immediately. A minute later the waiter comes with a basket of bread rolls, places them on the table, and asks what they would like to drink. John orders them both the most expensive bottle of wine they had. The waiter leaves to retrieve the wine while John and his beautiful date look over the menu. John tells her that she can have *anything* she'd like. "Don't even look at the pricing, money isn't an issue." he says. The waiter returns with the wine, and they place their order. While waiting for their food they decide to dig into the rolls. They both get a roll, butter it, and begin eating. Everything seems dandy, and then out of **nowhere** a baby elephant trunk **SHOOTS** up from under the table, grabs a roll, and disappears. John's date was **amazed**. "**WOAH!** Can you do that again?!" she said. To which he replied:

"I can, but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."