A man and his monkey go into a bar

The guy orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. He grabs some olives off the bar and eats them and then he grabs some sliced limes and eats those too. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs the cue ball and swallows that whole ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what he do?" says the man.
"That fucking monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, no surprise," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight. Sorry about that but I'll pay for that cue ball."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. And again he orders a drink and again the monkey starts running around the bar.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and then eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey is doing?"
"No I didn't. What's he doing?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his ass, then pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Oh yeah that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He does still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball out, he now measures everything first."