A guy goes to get his physical (long)

So Tom goes to his doctor for his annual physical while sitting in the examining room he notices a large machine with a lot of lights and buttons looking more complicated than the space shuttle cockpit.
The doctor walks in and explains that the this new machine can diagnose every possible ailment with just a urine sample.
Tom produces the sample the doctor puts it into the machine. After a few moments of flashing lights and whirring noises the machine produces a small printout.
The doctor informs Tom that he has tennis elbow.
"Tennis elbow that's ridiculous I have never even played tennis doc I think your machine is broken"
The doc explains that this machine is very accurate but if Tom would like to submit another sample tomorrow That would be all right. So the doctor gave Tom a sample cup to bring home to make it easier.
On His Way Home Tom got really angry about the whole thing, pissed off at the whole notion that a machine could replace a doctor so he decides to teach this doc and his machine a lesson.
He gets home and has his wife and daughter pee in the cup he pees in the cup somehow he gets the family dog to pee in the cup. He takes the dipstick out of his car swirls that in the cup, and to top it off Tom rubs one out into the cup.
The next day Tom feeling father smug watches as the doctor puts the sample in the machine.
He laughs to himself as all the lights and noises are going on and when the printout surfaces he braces himself for the win that is coming.
"So what's the verdict ?"
Well you are over due for an oil change, your daughter is pregnant, your wife has gonorrhea, your dog has worms and if you don't stop jerking off that tennis elbow is never going away.