In an open interview between our correspondant and world genius and sex machine Bill Gates, the following rather illuminating answers were provided.
Q: Is it true that Microsoft wants to destroy all other software makers everywhere?
A: Yes. Some think not, because if Apple & IBM quit, Microsoft would have no one to copy from. In fact, if Mac and OS/2 were gone we would never have to update Windows again anyway, and we wouldn't even have to pay for a programming staff to rearrange pirated code.
Q: Windows machines use the same monitors as everyone else. Why does Windows look so crude and blocky and ugly?
A: Good graphics take a lot of work. Designed with pride, they add greatly to the user experience. How often have you seen garbagemen washing and waxing their truck? On the inside? In January?
Q: I'm a programmer and I'd like to join Microsoft and help shape the future of personal computing. How do I apply?
A: Send in your resume. Mark the envelope Attention: Unskilled Labor Pool. If you're invited to an interview, remember that any trace of integrity or self respect will disqualify you. Pray loudly to any dollar bills you see, and be prepared to kiss the ass of a small, geeky looking man in glasses at any time.
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