YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST IF...

- You think John the Baptist started the SBC.
- You think God's presence is strongest on the back three pews.
- You think "Amazing Grace" is the national anthem.
- You judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the
preacher.
- Your definition of fellowship has something to do with food.
- You ever wondered when Lot tie Moon and Annie Armstrong would get paid off.
- You honestly believe that the Apostle Paul spoke King James English.
- You think worship music has to be loud.
- You think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers.
- You judge the quality of a service by its length.
- You ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken and
interpret that feeling as a call to preach.
- You believe that you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven.
- You have never sung the third verse of any hymn.
- You have ever put an IOU in the offering plate.
- You think someone who says "Amen" while the preacher is preaching might be a
Charismatic.
- You complain that the pastor only works one day and then he
works too long.
- You clapped in church and felt guilty about it all week.
- You are old enough to get a senior discount at the pharmacy, but not old
enough to promote to the Senior Adult Sunday School; you think the only
promotion after that is the cemetery.
- You are upset that Joshua brought down the wall of Jericho and think that
the deacons should recommend that the church pay for it to prevent a general
ruckus.
- You are upset that the last hymn in the new hymnal is numbered
"666."
- You happen to know that Lot tie Moon is not a member of the
Unification Church.
- You wonder when they are ever going to get that Cooperative Program thing
paid for.