You may be having a bad day if...

You wake up face down on the pavement.


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You put your bra on backward and it fits better.


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You call the suicide prevention hotline and they ask to put you on hold.


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You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.


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Your birthday cake collapses from the weight and heat of the candles.


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You want to put away the clothes you wore home from the party last night, but there aren't any.


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You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.


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Your twin sister forgot your birthday.


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You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.


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Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck, as you follow a group of Hell's Angels out onto the interstate.


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Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.


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Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.


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The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.


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You wake up and your braces are locked together.


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As you get ready to leave work you discover your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose. and has been since lunch.


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Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.


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Your income tax check bounces.


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You put both contacts lenses in the same eye.


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Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," but your name is George.