Writing Home From College

Date: ___________


Dear Parent(s),


I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.


Please send: __ Money (Cash)!


Amount: $_______


__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________


__ Clean clothes!


Relationships:


__ What?


__ I am in love with myself


__ I am in love!


__ I am engaged


__ I got married last weekend


My Roommate:


__ Worships the ground I walk on


__ Gave me a black eye


__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason


__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???


__ Has fleas


My Professors are:


__ Sadistic water walkers


__ Mental institution escapees


__ Brain dead nerds


__ Super oxygen thieves


Latest News:


__ I wrecked the car


__ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit


__ You are going to have a grandchild


__ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild


Food:


__ Is great!


__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking


__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals


Grades:


__ I am making all A's


__ I am not being properly challenged


__ I will be home after this semester


I study:


__ Night and day


__ All the time


__ 80 hours a week


__ Only on Sunday afternoon


__ None of the above


Daily Devotions:


__ I read my Bible everyday


__ I can't read


__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars


On my last visit home, I left:


__ My glasses


__ My paper that was due yesterday


__ The clothes you washed for me


__ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills


__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment


__ Other _____________________________________________


Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)


Laundry:


__ My white underwear is now _________________


__ I am saving money by not using detergent


__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester


__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains


My room:


__ Can pass your "white glove" test


__ Is only ____% full


__ Could not be located last Saturday night


__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training


Parties:


__ I don't inhale


__ I only go to meet people


__ Haven't been to one since this morning


Hope you:


__ Miss me


__ Can live without me


__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence


Salutation:


__ Your Daughter,


__ Your Son,


__ Yours,