Women's and Men's English

Woman's English----------------- Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry. We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later! We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure . . . go ahead = I don't want you to. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes & find a good game on T.V. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = {Too late, you're dead} Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep? I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.Men's english----------------- I'm hungry = I'm hungry. I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy. I'm tired = I'm tired. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you. Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you. May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you. Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you. What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this. What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. I'm bored = Do you want to have sex? I love you = Let's have sex now. I love you, too = Okay, I said it . . . we'd better have sex now! Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50.00 and it doesn't look that much different! Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person so that you'd like to have sex with me. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. (while shopping) I like that one better = Pick any freakin dress & let's go home!!!