Women's Advice to Men

-The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.


-The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.


-If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's the butts.


-If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.


-Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.


-Don't fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.


-Please don't drive when you're not driving.


-Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.


-Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.


-If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.


-The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.


-If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?


-Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.


-When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.


-Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life--you'll never see the 'island' coming.


-Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.


-Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.


-Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.


-Your balding is a good thing--it subsidizes our hair care expenses.