Wine Warnings

Due to increasing product liability litigation, wine manufacturers have
accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed immediately on all wine bottles:


1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.


2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a moron.


3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story
over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.


4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to they sings like this.


5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 am in the morning!


6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your trousers.


7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without Spitting.


8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung
Fu powers.


9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).


10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.


11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named Frank.


12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.


13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing with you.


14. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
literally disappear.