The platoon was split into pairs for these drills, and while climbing the mountain, one of them yells out to his partner: "OUCH!! A snake just bit me on my dick! Quick, run down for help!!"
So the other soldier runs his ass down the hill and finds his Lieutenant and explains the situation. The Lieutenant tells the soldier "Okay listen, we fucked up and didn't bring any medical supplies, so you're gonna have to run back up there, locate the wound, and suck as much of the venom out - that's the only way you can save that soldier up there, so GO - NOW!!"
The soldier who got bit is on the floor writhing in pain and he sees his partner walking up casually, taking his sweet time. He says "About time you got here! What did the Lieutenant say?"
The other soldier replies "Sorry bro, he said you're gonna fucking die!"
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