What the Doctor Really Means

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and
profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.


"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending
anymore time with you.


"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
---or--
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.


"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news
is, you're going to pay for it.


"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be
cured.


"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.


"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.


"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.


"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.


"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?


"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this
stuff.


"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.


"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can
solve this one.


"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a
shrink who'll split fees with me ...


"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn
something about this.