Voodoo Dick

So a business man has finally come home from his most recent trip. This is the 50th trip this year and his wife is getting really annoyed. This particular time she is really chewing him out saying she doesn't get laid enough and she has finally decided to divorce him and take half his things. The businessman pleads for his wife to stay,saying he will do anything for her. She asks him to make love to her right then and there but suddenly his phone rings. It's his boss and he tells the businessman to get to the airport in an hour for a very important deal which he cannot refuse. The wife loses her shit and the business man knows he cant stay but he tells her he will make it up to her somehow. He gets in the car and starts to drive to the airport. On the way he is freaking out knowing his wife is going to do something crazy while he's away. He stops at a red light and looks over to see a sex shop. A lightbulb goes off in his head and he parks and runs into the store. The little bell rings as he enters and he looks around. DVD's, whips, chains, lube, latex suits, mask, dildo. The man is completely overwhelmed so he rings the bell at the counter. A woman walks out from the back and the businessman asks for the most expensive item they carry in the store and that the price is of no concern. The lady take a box out from under the counter, it is covered in dust which she blows off and she opens it. Inside is a piece of wood, whittled into the crude shape of a cock. The businessman looks at the item, perplexed and confused and asks WTH is it suppose to be and how much does it cost. The lady says it is the legendary voodoo dick and it will cost him over 5000$. The businessman becomes outraged and asks why that pathetic looking wooden dildo is 5000$ and the dildo under the counter with a lube dispenser, rotating head and twelve speeds costs only 200$ the lady tells him the powers of the voodoo dick are not to be underestimated and gives him a demonstration. She leans in and tells the voodoo dick to fuck the female customer by the dvd rack. The voodoo dick starts to float out of the box the flies full speed across the store, up the womans dress and starts to fuck her silly, knocking DVD's all over the ground. She tells the voodoo dick to stop fucking the female customer and it flies back into the box and the lid magically closes. The business man slaps the money on the counter and buys it right away. He rushes home and gives his wife the gift and instructions then leaves for the airport, confident he just saved his marriage. For the first day the wife just looks at the box insulted her husband would get her a dildo. The second day she has some thoughts about using it but doesn't and on the third day she is watching Dr.Phil and decides 'fuckit' then brings the box into the bedroom and gets on the bed and takes the voodoo dick out of the box. She tells the voodoo dick to fuck her and it flies right into her pussy and gives her five orgasms in a minute. She cant take it anymore and tells the voodoo dick to stop but it continues its rampage inside her vagina. She freaks out and tries to put her clothes back on but she falls all over the place, when she finally manages to do that she goes into the garage and tries to get into her car. Fumbling and dropping her keys a few times she gets in and drives as fast as she can to the hospital. She is swerving and speeding until she sees the cherries of a cop car in her rearview mirror. She pulls over and this state trooper looking cop comes up to her window and taps on the glass with his flashlight. She rolls down her window and the cop asks her why she was speeding and tells her she could've killed someone, he demands to know an explanation for all of the reckless driving and she tells him about the voodoo dick. The cop looks at her with a stern expression, takes off his glasses, looks her right in the eyes and goes
"Voodoo dick my ASS"