Two drunks getting hammered as usual...

And as usual the fist one vomits all over himself. "Goddamnit, my wife's gonna be pissed."

Second Drunk: "Whaterya bellyaching about? You always throw up on yourself."

First Drunk: "Yeah, but this time The Wife says she won't let me in if I smell like vomit anymore." So the Second Drunk thinks for a bit and says "I got an idea".

"Take a $20 bill and put it in your shirt pocket. Then tell her some other dude puked on you, but felt so bad, he gave you $20."

First Drunk:"Damn, that's just crazy enough to work."

First Drunk finally stumbles home @ 3am, but the door is locked so he commences pounding and hollering 'till his wife gets up and cracks the door open (with the chain still on) just enough to get a whiff of him.

Wife:"Oh hell no motherfucker, I told you I wasn't cleaning up after your ass anymore when you get drunk."

First Drunk:"But it wasn't me this time."

Wife:"What?"

First Drunk:"No, Really! This other dude puked on me and he felt so bad he gave me $20. It's here in my pocket."

The Wife motions him closer to the door and reaches in his pocket and retrieves two $20 bills. "Why is there $40 here?"

First Drunk: "He shit in my pants too."