True Lawyer Statements

Amazing and true lawyer statements.
Lawyers typically aren�t funny � unless by accident.
Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide...


1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?


2) Now, doctor, isn�t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn�t know anything about it until the next morning?


3) Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, �I have to kill you because you can identify me.�
Q: Did he kill you?


4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?


5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?


6) Were you alone or by yourself.


7) How long have you been a French Canadian?


8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?


9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That�s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?


10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?


11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I�ll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?


13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?


14) So you were gone until you returned?


15) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?


16) You don�t know what it was, and you didn�t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?


17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?


18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.


19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, �Your Honor, I�d like to strike the next question.�


20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that so?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!