(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)
In Dallas, a man was arrested after he attacked a man in a pink shirt, while shouting homophobic slurs. Because what could be less gay than freaking out over another man’s outfit?
In California, a man robbed a convenience store, only to return later to apologize and give back the money. The cashier accepted the man’s apology, then shot him eleven times.
Scientists in Switzerland used a spectrometer to determine that the Rosetta comet smells terrible. And these scientists know about bad smells, because they spend all day sniffing Uranus.
The reality show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” was cancelled after it was learned that Mama June was dating a convicted rapist. Previously, she’d exhibited better judgment, by only dating rapists who had never been convicted.
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