Tlfu by trying to help my dog.

In California there was a boy named Tim. He had an average life with few unusual issues. 16 years pass and he decides to ask his parents for a pet on his upcoming birthday. So for his birthday his parents get him an adopted dog almost as old as Tim. So Tim asks why they couldn't have gotten a younger dog, but before he could finish his dad says it was a street rescue and it needed a new home. 3 years pass and the boy has taken three dog everywhere but he is about move to a dorm for college. Now the dog very upset by this goes on strike and stops playing with its owners. Tim's parents start to get concerned and break the bad news to him they may need to put down the dog. Tim is very upset by this since he feels like the dog was his best friend. So he goes up to the dog and gives him a hug good-bye and starts crying. Out of desperation he asks why the dog won't eat or play. Magically the dog responds,"I don't want you to leave the house." Tim shocked by this promises not to leave and gets some dog food. Repulsed the dog says,"I haven't eaten in days think I can get a sandwich I know a good place down the road but I'll need about tree fiddy" It was about that time Tim realized his dog was actually a crustacean from the paleolithic era and Tim said,"Damnit loch Ness monster I aint giving you no tree fiddy get off my lawn!"