Tim the Conductor

Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the trains nearly every day by screwing up his timing, causing other trains to have to wait on him.

Tim's conducting got worse and worse as time went on. One day, Tim decided to try and eat his lunch while doing his job. Seeing as he could hardly work while focused, this was a terrible idea, but Tim decided to do it anyway. This was a mistake. Another train, hurtling at his train at great speed, was scheduled to pass through the area that Tim was currently in. It was Tim's responsibility to yield to the other train to prevent a crash. Unbeknownst to the other conductor, Tim was unaware that the other train was coming, so Tim plowed on in his train, not a care in the world. Biting into the sandwich his wife had packed, Tim's eyes closed to savor the taste. The other train began to cross in front of him, but seeing as Tim's eyes were closed, Tim did not see the train, and didn't stop. The two collided, the screeching of metal against metal combined with the crashing as the two trains were flung off of their tracks.

Tim was fired on the spot. Devastated, Tim went home to his wife. Her kind, loving smile upon seeing him made his insides melt, and it was in that moment Tim realized he couldn't bear to break the news to her. Acting as though nothing was wrong, Tim left the next day as if going to work, but instead drank at a nearby pub the entire day. This continued for weeks until Tim ran out of money. Crushed and guilty, Tim went home again and told his wife everything, begging for her forgiveness.

She left him.

Tim had nothing left to live for, and considered taking his own life. While mulling it over, a thought struck him; if the other conductor had stopped *his* train, none of this would have happened. In Tim's deluded mind, this though evolved into another: revenge.

Tim tracked down the other conductor. In the dead of night, Tim snuck into the poor mans house. The crack of a gunshot echoed through the streets as Tim shot the man. The police found Tim lying on top of the dead man, laughing maniacally. After a short trial, Tim was sentenced to death.

Tim looked blankly foreword as he was strapped in an electric chair. The executioner turned a switch, and a leathal shock pulsed through the chair. Miraculously, Tim survived. The baffled executioner tried again and again to execute Tim, but was unsuccessful. Scientist were brought in to try and figure out what was causing this strange phenomenon, but not a single one could find the truth. Eventually, the scientists became desparate enough to ask Tim if he understood why the chair could not kill him. Through a haze of madness, inspiration struck Tim. He look up at the scientist and said:

"Well, I never was a very good conductor."