Three farmers (longish)

Three farmers are down on their luck, and are on the verge of utter destitution. They have only one pig left, a skinny thing that - no matter what kind or quality or quantity of food it eats - shits it all out and gains no weight.

The first farmer says "We have to find a way to fatten up this pig."

Second farmer says "But nothing we've tried has worked so far."

The third farmer says "I have an idea. We take the rest of our money, buy a monkey, and train him to put a cork in the pig's ass. That way he won't shit anymore and he'll gain lots of weight."

The farmers agree. They train the monkey, and the monkey walks up behind the pig and POP! shoves a cork in his ass.

TIme passes and the pig gets bigger and bigger. They start winning prizes at fairs and their luck turns around. All is well with the farmers, but as they are surveying their animals, they see the pig who has now grown insanely large.

First farmer says, "That pig doesn't look right."

Second farmer says, "It hasn't shit in two years. We have to do something."

Third farmer says, "I have an idea! We take that monkey and train him to put a ladder up to the back of the pig's ass, reach in, and pull out the cork to let a little out."

They agree, and train the monkey. The monkey walks up behind the pig, props a ladder up against it, reaches in, and...

***PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH***

Shit goes everywhere. The three farmers die.

When they get to the pearly gates, Saint Peter is waiting there for them and says, "In all the confusion, we couldn't tell how you died. What happened?"

The first farmer says, "I died of the smell."

The second farmer says, "I died of the taste."

The third farmer says, "I died laughing watching that monkey try to put the cork back in the pig's ass."