A Person Centred counsellor, a Gestalt therapist and a CBT practitioner are all travelling back from a conference together in a car when they slip on some ice, the car crashes down a hill and they all die.
As there’s no such thing as God, they awake at the gates of Hell. Already the smell of brimstone and black smoke assault their senses and they can’t see more than a few feet in front of them.
A shape moves though the smoke towards them and as it clears they see Satan towering over them with a wild manic grin and all three men are gripped by terror.
First Satan walks over the Person Centred counsellor and speaks in a booming voice “Welcome to hell mortal. How does it feel to know you are now a slave in my kingdom for all eternity?”
Being a good counsellor he immediately communicates the core conditions and replies “I really value your interest in me but I’m wondering if we should focus on you. I had the sense you’re trying to keep me at a distance and that’s okay”
Satan is a little stunned by this answer and decides to have the poor man dragged away by demons to see if hot pokers can get a more sensible answer from him and he moves on to the gestalt therapist, standing over the man still sat on the ground.
Once again he speaks in his booming voice “Welcome to hell mortal. How does it feel to know you are now a slave in my kingdom for all eternity?”
The gestalt counsellor seems to be deep in thought for a moment and then begins to speak “I have a strong awareness of something in my lungs and I’m not sure where that’s coming from. It may be the toxic fumes or perhaps some unfinished business being triggered from my relationship with my father… And of course there a really warm sensation in my ass and that’s really interesting because….”
Satan cuts off this rambling speech and signals for the demons to drag him away too with a wave of his hand, a weary sigh and an exasperated look. Finally he moves on the CBT practitioner and stands over him and trying to look as scary as he can.
Again he asks “Welcome to hell mortal. How does it feel to know you are now a slave in my kingdom for all eternity?”
The CBT practitioner knows that it doesn’t matter what happens to him, it’s all about how he reacts to things. He may have died, awoken in hell and seen his two friends dragged away by demons but so long as he can maintain positive thoughts then not even these things can upset him.
He looks up at the intimidating figure before him and simply replies, “Oh it’s fine. I’m not really here”
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