-Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
-It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins.
-Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
-One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
-Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
-If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
-The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
-Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
-Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
-Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
-On the other hand, you have different fingers.
-Married people don't live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
-I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
-If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
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