These Things Suck

Running out of toothpaste
getting deodorant in your eyes


getting drunk and trying to chug a lava lamp


poorly done tattoos


gasps of amazement


puking so hard you break blood vessels in your face


white pants or shorts


hats that make your head sweat and itch


cordless phones that randomly hang up on people


heart shaped pancakes


having to reuse snotty tissues


torn shirts


striped ties


loud vaccums that don't suck at all


the word 'moustache'


poorly designed furniture


sham celebrations


purple coats


sacrifical lambs


oversized earrings


pink staplers


bras that are impossible to get off


feng shui


rusty spikes in your bed


waking up in your own shit


Sheep stomachs used as hats


Your phone rings and before you get it, it stops.


flutes


creatures that are half man and half fawn who bounce around calling you "Lucy"


pimples on the palms of your hands


having to bathe in dirty water that was used to wash dogs three weeks ago


the sound of your walkman slowing down the tape you're listening to


dead people whispering at you in the night


burrowing elks who ruin your basement


dreaming that you get shot just before meeting Mike Patton


trying to touch the sky and falling down


barking dogs outside your place that bark all damn day long and then start barking at each other,


then bark at the trees, then cars, then kids, and then each other again.


open houses during the rainy season


hair gel that drips from the ceiling


dirty sinks


being cremated when you were just sleeping


having your mom wake you and you fell asleep nude, surrounded in porno magazines


and pictures of the 'golden girls' from tv.


running out of dishes and being forced to finally do them


monkey brain bits in your sandwich


being told that 'that's just the way life is'


lilies